Early Spring!

Book: Undress Me in the Temple of Heaven

Undress Me in the Temple of Heaven, a memoir by Susan Jane Gilman, tells the story of her trip to China in 1986, upon graduating from college. At that point, China had only recently opened to Western tourists and there were many places within the country that foreigners were not allowed to travel. This didn't stop the author and her friend who plan the trip upon seeing a placemat--world map of pancakes--over breakfast at IHOP. "Naive" doesn't even begin to describe them. While I don't want to give too much away, there is also another huge piece to the story, involving the well-being of one of the women. Let's just say I stayed up til 11:30pm last night because I couldn't wait to find out the conclusion. I would even consider reading it again.

Disclaimer: This book may be so appealing to me because I recently visited almost all of the locations mentioned. (I was not, however, undressed in the Temple of Heaven...but neither was the author!)

If you are traveling (or have traveled) to China, you'll be interested to know that the women visit Beijing (and the tourist sites there, including the Great Wall at Badaling), Guangzhou, Guangxi Province (Guilin & more), and Hong Kong. The places they visit are described in great, fascinating, detail.

Reading for FUN!

Only recently a friend asked me if LilDude likes to read for fun. I told her that he happily does his 15 minutes of required reading a day, sometimes forgetting the time and going over, but that he doesn't often pick up a book without it first being a "requirement."

That changed this week.

For the last several days, he's been reading all day, everyday. Yesterday I MADE HIM put up his book to go play outside. He groaned. Presently, he is captivated by the Boxcar Children mysteries.

Amazing how much difference a week can make!

Well, DUH, Mom!

GG (age 3): "My hands hurt."

Mom: "Why do they hurt?"

GG: "Because I say so."

Very Last First Time

Very Last First Time (Five in a Row homeschool lesson)
We are reading a book about a girl that's going to walk on the bottom of the sea for the first time alone. We put water and rocks in a box and put a bag over the box and pretended that was the ice. We had people and a basket and a knife in the basket. We put something under the box and then the water went to the other end and that was the tide.

-reported by LilDude*, age 7

We will report on the rest of our lessons from this week. Please check back here for more exciting adventures from the book by Jan Andrews called Very Last First Time.

We got the idea for this lesson from the archives on the Five in a Row website. It appears that you need to join the forum (free) to search the archives. It's found in the ideas (great ones!) for Volume 1.

*P.S. LilDude typed this out by himself. We've spent the last couple weeks using free, on-line lessons from BBC Schools Dance Mat Typing. He knows all the letters. Now he's practicing. :)

Plastic cups, BPA, and kids

A couple years ago I decided to eliminate most of the plastic storage containers in my kitchen. I bought class bins for flour, sugar, dry beans, pasta, etc. With all the new information on BPA, this week I finally took all the plastic cups--especially for kids--out of the kitchen. I started using something else for the kids months ago. Thought you might be amused to hear what...

My kids drink out of glass jelly jars. Half-pints for the half-pints. :) They are just the right size for little hands, they don't break easily, and they are heavy enough to not tip over. Love them for everything but outdoors and car trips. I have a few plastic cups saved in the pantry for outdoor use (minimal) and today I bought a couple of BPA-free tippy cups. While my youngest two are getting older, I still like to have something for use in the car and in carpeted rooms.

My youngest also still needs cuddle/bottle time for attachment purposes, so I bought some glass bottles today. I think it's hilarious. Decades ago people got rid of glass bottles because they weren't safe, replacing them with plastic. Now we get rid of the plastic and replace them with glass. Too funny. I did have an option for BPA-free plastic bottles, but I like the durability of the glass, along with the fact that it washes so well in the dishwasher. Plus, who knows what they've next discover is wrong with the plastic???

Still can't figure out what to do about freezer containers. I read one article that said that the older the plastic, the less BPA leaching. The freezer boxes I use once belonged to my grandma and are old, old, old. Wonder if I have a better chance using those than trying something new? I do use some glass jars--quart and pint--for freezer storage, but I don't like to use them exclusively. They're heavy, hard to thaw from if I'm in a hurry, and can break in the freezer.

So what are you doing about food/beverage containers and BPA?

Strawberry Girl & An Orphan?!?

Sigh.

I'm reading Strawberry Girl aloud to LilDude. It's a Newbery Award book by Lois Lenski. The text reads:

"Azuloy, a fifteen-year-old orphan, was Miss Liddy's helper. She did everything from threading needles to sweeping floors." p. 56

We haven't finished the book yet, but so far I haven't figured out the point of the "orphan" comment. It's the first the character is introduced in the book and nothing about "orphan" applies to anything...except she is working at 15.

So the point is.....??????

"Adults" & Children's Sporting Events

Sometimes the behavior of "adults" just astounds me. Particularly when it comes to children's sporting events.

No one came forward to coach my son's 7th grade traveling basketball team, so my husband agreed to take it. He has coached basketball several times before, including a traveling girls' 6th grade team, but this is the oldest boys' team he's led.

This team has taken immense amounts of his free time. This last week, four of seven nights were spent at games, taking time away from his responsibilities at home and his interactions with our other children. But my husband does it with an upbeat attitude.

It's me who has the problem.

I sit at games and listen to parents all around me whine and complain about dh's coaching. [This is a team that struggles; it includes several players who've never before played b-ball.] Parents who know nothing about basketball...parents whose kids are barely making the team...parents who were asked to coach and refused...sit there and complain aloud about my husband's skills.

Last night as we were leaving a game, my husband stopped one dad to tell him, "Your son did a great job tonight."

The response? "Your team needs to get more competitive out there." And then the parent continued to berate my husband's job as coach.

It just astounds me.

You know what else astounds me?

Last night, we watched a great game of basketball. With minutes left in the fourth quarter, and with their team well ahead, the opposing coach suddenly springs aggressively toward the court and screams at the top of his lungs, "STOP SLAPPING THE BALL AROUND!!!!!" The entire gym of people froze in stunned silence. I've NEVER heard someone scream that loud at a game before. Apparently, he was yelling at his own team. A ref told him to "settle down." Then one of the parents on that team asked him to chill out. The coach responded with an outbreak of profanity.

What in the world are we doing? These are SEVENTH GRADE CHILDREN. People are starving in Haiti. This is a GAME. Or it's supposed to be. What are we teaching our children?!?!

The Hogs Can Wait, Honey...

It's not unusual for LilDude (7) to walk in his sleep. Tonight after reading aloud from our latest chapter book, Strawberry Girl, I tucked him in, and told him good night.

A hour or so later, he comes running into the computer room calling, "What should I do about Mr. Slater's hogs????"

I took my sleeping boy by the hand and led him back to bed, saying, "We'll take care of the hogs in the morning."

Another God Moment...

I've been experiencing mega "God moments" lately...you know, when something hits you upside the head because it's just out-of-the-ordinary in coolness?

Today I was reading an adoption forum and saw a mom's post about her child; it described how she was aware that another family had previously been assigned the child but had turned down the child upon meeting the child in-country. (Sorry to be so wordy, but I'm trying to protect privacy.) When I read the story it was like a bolt of lightening. I'd heard this story before. In detail. BUT I'd heard it several years ago when a good friend of mine was present (in-country) when family #1 refused to complete the adoption. So I did a little emailing between the two and now the child's mom is going to be able to find out more about her child's life as my friend fills in some of the missing pieces.

So, so cool.

BTW, sorry to be so absent lately. I've been working more again. When I work, I rarely have time to write.

Teaching Kids About Money is HARD

I took LilDude (7) and GG (3, almost 4) to the store. They each carried $2 they'd earned, excited to spend it on something wonderful. I was equally excited to use some of my new "Love and Logic/allowance with kids" knowledge; basically I wanted to give them a chance to learn something about money.

The second we enter the store, GG spots the balloons. He talked about gum in the car, but we stop to check out the balloon options. I look at a couple but can't find a price tag and finally ask the floral attendant. $7.99. GG and I count his dollars. Not enough. The saleswoman leans over the counter and says, "I have one for $1.99." She brings out a snowman balloon with a lollypop anchor (to keep it from floating away.) He lights up. "Balloon!"

I also light up, thrilled for a teachable moment. "You have enough money for the balloon OR for gum. But you don't have enough money for both."

"Hmmm," he considers, "balloon! No, gum! No, balloon! No, GUM!" We thank the salesperson and head toward the gum.

We consider the gum for a long time, finally deciding to head across the parking lot to another store with more gum options. I buckle GG into his car seat. "Balloon!"

LilDude looks at him. "You want the balloon? You changed your mind?"

GG replies, "Um!" (His standard reply for "yes!")

"Are you sure?" I ask, starting to unbuckle him.

"Gum. Noooo....balloon!" We head back into the store.

The florist is surprised to see us. "Did he come back for the balloon?"

"I want balloon." She hands it to him. "Thank you!" he replies, clutching his treasure.

On the way to the checkout counter we stop so LilDude can pick out his gum. (You can see it coming, can't you?) LilDude picks up several options. GG says, "Gum! No, balloon. No, gum! No, balloon. Gum! Gum! Gum!" Both boys select their gum and we head back to the floral department to return the balloon.

"Did he change his mind?" She grins. "Enjoy your gum!"

Both boys proudly pay for their gum, take their bags and head toward the door. The florist comes running after us, the snowman balloon and another GIANT Santa balloon in hand. She hands one to each boy. "I'm going to mess up your money lesson." [Through the entire thing I'd been explaining to multiple clerks that we were on a "money learning mission."] "But I can't really sell these since it's past Christmas. And he was so polite when he tried to make his choice. And they're so cute." The boys thank her and head to the door, ladened with gum, change and huge balloons.

[Shaking my head, laughing.] So what exactly did we learn today? "Cute" can get you a long way in life???? :)


P.S. In reality, a bazillion more "Gum! Balloon? Gum? Balloon! Gum! Balloon? Gum? Balloon! Gum?" lines came out of GG's mouth. This story is the SHORT version.

Birthday Presents

GG has been excitedly talking about his birthday (in February) ever since he arrived home (last May.) We're finally getting close enough that today I asked, "What do you want for your birthday?"

"Hmmm," he thought. "I want Christmas tree. And my mom*."

*And just in case you're wondering, he definitely meant me...with a huge grin in my direction. ;)

Kids & Clothes Budgets

I recently posted the following on Facebook:

Question for parents of teen girls... What is a reasonable amount to budget for clothes shopping for one year?

Within a few hours, I'd received over 50 comments, by far the most I've ever received about anything. Apparently, teen girl clothes budgeting ranks highly on many radars.

I've been thinking about clothes budgets but also kids and jobs/allowance/family work responsibilities, etc. We've never been shy about assigning our kids "family jobs." This fall when my teen daughter took child development, she had to list both her parents' jobs and her jobs at home. The list she created (for both) was far longer than the lists of any other kids in the class. I'm not sure if she felt superior...or tortured.

Over the years I've created many different ways to assign household jobs. They've worked. But over time, we outgrow them and move onto something else. Lately, I've found it rather frustrating to assign jobs to my big kids because they are so rarely home. Mid-day (while they're at school) I'll discover the unfinished job and do it myself, knowing that it's more hassle to remind them when they get home (and it's dark!) than it is to just to it myself.

A month or so ago, I took back the "big jobs." Housecleaning became mine. If anyone would like to do a job instead of me, I pay well (more than minimum wage), but if no one offers, I do it myself. Meanwhile, they are still expected to do the basics: feed animals, load/unload dishwasher and wash dinner dishes.

Under the heavy influence of my current Love and Logic read, Millionaire Babies or Bankrupt Brats?, I'm reminded of the importance of establishing an allowance for children, the premise being that children can make little mistakes with little amounts of money to prevent adults making big mistakes with big amounts of money. Practice with money while you're young!

The topic of clothes shopping has come up a lot lately. I started asking myself, "What is a reasonable amount of $ to contribute to a teen's clothes budget? What if the teen has plenty of opportunity to help out around the house and make good wages, yet chooses not to? Should one affect the other?"

Then I asked the budget question on Facebook. While amounts varied, quite a few people mentioned $500-$1000 per year. I clarified that I meant BASIC. Not coats or swimsuits or perhaps even underwear...but rather the "back to school" and summer clothes stock of jeans, shirts, sweaters, shorts, etc. While there were some highs and lows, most numbers still came out around $500 or higher.

I asked my daughter to sit down and make a list of "basics" with a price tag attached to each so we could start a budget discussion. She first listed 10 shirts at $15 each, crossed out the 10, and then wrote 8 shirts at $15 each. I asked her to figure out how much money it would take to give each member of our family (7 people) 8 shirts at $15 each. She figured it out. Her eyes got very big. We went over the list together. We also talked about parental contributions to school lunches; we've always allowed our kids to eat one meal at school per week, otherwise they make their own lunch (we do have food available!) or they can choose to pay the difference.

I don't know that it's beneficial to post the amount that we actually came up with, but I will say that it's likely lower than what most teens around here are used to receiving. This "teen allowance" is designed to cover basic clothing, a few school lunches and minimal "entertainment." She can use the money any way she chooses, but we will not be paying for basic clothes or school lunches. Ample, AMPLE opportunities exist to add to her budget. (I'd love it if she wants to help me out!) But they are not mandatory.

Our middle school son's "allowance" is substantially smaller since he's not yet interested in managing a clothes budget. He does, however, get to decide on how often he eats school lunches and how much to spend on entertainment. The money is his; he chooses how to spend it.

For the first several months on this new system, I'm asking the kids to keep track of their spending so we're all aware of the budget strengths and weaknesses. I hope this gives us all a chance to try out our wings--the kids with money management and mine with letting go of parental control. ;)

So how do you handle kids, clothes budgets, allowance and household jobs?

Transformation

One of my children struggles with making wise choices. Well, shoot, they all struggle with making wise choices (so do I!) but one struggles more than the rest. This week, he made a particularly sad choice. I consequenced his behavior, sending him outside to pick up remaining fall leaves. (It's not freezing cold here!) He argued and argued and argued. By all appearances, this was the worst punishment on the face of the earth and he was being tortured.

But here's the funny thing. By the time he quit, he was the happiest, most relaxed, joyful child he'd been in a long time. I know that he struggles with control. He tries to be in control because it makes him feel safer...or, I should say, he thinks it makes him feel safer. But ultimately, he doesn't really want the control. So when I remind him that he is not in control, he lets it all go, relaxes, and enjoys being a kid again. I can't begin to describe the change in him...after a situation in which he tries to exert major control and is not allowed to...he transforms into this relaxed, loving kiddo.

I wonder if God ever sees us the same way?

He Met His Match...

...and her name is MOMMA!

GG is a breeze to parent. But he obviously received a tad bit of spoiling in China. (With that face and personality, it's no wonder!) When he wants something, he asks for it over, and over, and over again, expecting immediate compliance. "Toast, Momma? Toast? Momma? Toast? Toast!" Or, "Gum? Gum? Gum? Gum, Momma?!!???!!!" If I say no, he will find a spot to sit alone and quietly look pathetic...or, at last resort, cry big crocodile tears. When I say no to something I have to check to see if he's still in the room a couple minutes later; often as not, I'll find him tucked quietly away somewhere, pouting/weeping.

Today, I looked at the clock and saw it was 2:15. I walked around the house, picking up stuff and putting it away, picking up stuff and putting it away... I looked at the clock again. It was 3:15. My oldest, BigSis (19), is home on break. I laughed, "Do you see now why I work all day and never get anything done?" She turned her head toward the school area where GG sat in the middle of buttons strewn all across the room, an empty button tin next to him. Dotted across the mess were dozens of little plastic bottles and eyedroppers, the result of dumping a container of "doctor stuff."

I sat down next to my almost-four-year-old and explained to him that 'LilDude was picking up leaves outside, Mommy was cleaning the kitchen, and he was going to put the buttons back in the container.

He vehemently shook his head. "I sick." [**Sidenote: this morning he woke up and said, "I sick." Then, "I watch Thomas the Train." When he arrived home we learned that being sick in China was scary because it meant a trip to the doctor and an IV. Here he quickly learned that it meant movies on the couch. He's no longer afraid of being sick!]

"You can sit on the couch and rest until you feel better, then you can come pick up the buttons."

He sat on that couch. And sat on that couch. The "pathetic look" showed up first, followed quickly by the "I'm not going to do it" crocodile tears. Periodically I checked in with him, reminding him that each of us have jobs in our family and that his job is to pick up the buttons.

Louder tears. With a really cute but definite, "I ain't doing this, Momma!" stance.

After awhile I picked him up and moved him to the middle of the button pile. He sat. And sat. And sat. I tempted him with a penny for his bank (he's into money, but not THAT into money) and a stick of gum (he lighted up at that, but still no dice), but he still SAT.

He'd periodically tease me by putting a couple buttons in, but then he'd quit with a "Momma DO IT."

This lasted a very, very long time. (I emptied the dishwasher, cleaned the kitchen, made dinner and looked up a couple things on the internet--all while this was going on.)

Then, very slowly, a seismic shift. One button in. Two buttons in. A pill bottle (the doctor's stuff still out!) filled with buttons, in.

Suddenly, it was done. He sprinted to the gum and had it in his mouth before I could even scan the entire floor.

Momma won, despite the cuteness factor.