Mother Warriors

I just finished Jenny McCarthy's book, Mother Warriors. In the book she describes several parent's journeys to get help for their children with autism. Time and again she and the other parents in the book are told by professionals that things like dietary changes are worthless, even "dangerous." They are told that autism is a permanent condition and that alternative therapies are a waste of time.

McCarthy goes on to describe how these parents ignored the professionals and did everything they could to heal their children. McCarthy writes,

A Mother Warrior Is...

A mother who hears there is no hope for her child and, instead of retreating and mourning, breaks down walls, weaves her way through obstacles, follows her intuition even when people tell her she is crazy. She is a mother who believes in hope. A mother who believes in miracles and is able to carry on with strength and determination, even when her partner doubts her and offers no support. A mother who never gives up when she keeps hitting dead ends. These are the women who will continue to open the door so future generations of kids don't have to suffer. These are the mothers with hearts of gold and shields made of the strongest armor.

I know in my heart that someday this era will be marked as an era when a group of parents fought the giants to help save their babies and future generations. Margaret Mead, the late great sociologist, once said, "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has."

I haven't been closely involved with the autism movement, but I know many, many mother warriors through the adoption community; mothers who are working to heal their children from debilitating attachment/trauma issues that are so often inherent with adoption.

I encourage you to read this book and look around you...chances are you are also surrounded by warrior parents...who each and every day are fighting for the physical and/or emotional health and well being of their children. If you know one...or two, or ten, or hundreds, ...take a moment to tell them just how wonderful you think they are!

YOU ARE WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This book reminds me so much of the journey that we've been on.... My son's conditions have never been physically life-threatening, but they did consume almost every moment of every day for several years. We, too, were told that this was not curable, that we were wasting our money. I'm here to say that the professionals were wrong.

Carry on, parent warriors everywhere!!!!

Mindset: The New Psychology of Success

On a friend's recommendation, I read Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. The principle behind the book is very simple, but the book jacket sums it up nicely:

...everyone has one of two basic mindsets. If you have the fixed mindset, you believe that your talents and abilities are set in stone--either you have them or you don't. You must prove yourself over and over, trying to look smart and talented at all costs. This is the path of stagnation. If you have a growth mindset, however, you know that talents can be developed and that great abilities are build over time. This is the path of opportunity--and success.

The author, Carol Dweck, is a PhD researcher in psychology from Stanford. While I agree with the Amazon reviewers who said that the book could have been summarized in a small pamphlet (because the premise is so simple), I read the whole book because I found the examples so fascinating...and because I had a hard time figuring out which mindset I have.

In many ways, I have the fixed mindset. I look at myself and think I have X amount of smarts. Therefore, I will work at X level. I won't work harder than level X because it wouldn't do any good. And I make excuses... If s/he is doing better than I am, it's only because she's smarter than I am. In other words, her success is directly related to her brains. It's so easy to take effort out of the equation.

But then I stop to think about it. If I worked harder, could I achieve more? Yes, I probably could. I've had quite a bit of success in the work world without (to me) a lot of effort. So it makes it feel like I got where I am on smarts, not on effort. But then I look at an author I admire and think, "Man, she got all the breaks..." when in reality, she probably just worked harder. I remember listening to one author speak. She said, "I figured that if I was going to be a doctor, it would take ten years of hard work, learning what I needed to know to do my craft. I was willing to put that ten years in, learning what I needed to be a skilled writer. If after ten years I still hadn't arrived, I figured I could reconsider then."

But the principle applies in so many areas of life. According to Dweck, those with a fixed mindset are quick to write off those who see things differently. So, for example, if I post my opinion on a public forum and people disagree with me, I'll say things to myself like, "Well, they just aren't as smart or as knowledgeable as I am," or "They're just jealous," or "They don't know what they're talking about." In contrast, someone in a growth mindset is able to consider the opinions of others, reflect, and use the information for further growth...all without taking it personally.

The principle also applies to parenting and education. Fixed mindset parents tell their kids, "You're smart." If a child is told "you're smart" too often, they develop the fixed mindset...believing that they have X amount of smarts and should never let anyone see their weaknesses. Therefore, they do exactly what they need to do to show X amount...and not an ounce more. It reminds me of all my years in school. I'd do what it took to get an "A." But not an ounce more.

In contrast, growth mindset parents say, "Wow, you worked really hard on that project." Children learn that people who succeed are people who put in the effort.

I see areas of both fixed and growth mindset in my life. The good news is that Dweck says people can change their fixed mindset. I'm working on it. ;)

Tummy Crawling

The last several years, I've spent substantial time researching the effects of early stress on a young child's brain. 'Lil Dude, the catalyst to this amazing journey, began his life in a rather tumultuous way, separating from his birth mother and two foster mothers, all before the age of six months old. We now know that early stress can have an immense impact on neurodevelopment, causing the brain to flood with stress hormones and overwire areas dedicated to fight/flight. As we talked with other adoptive parents, we became aware of the widespread frustration that families experience as they seek help for their little ones.

In July 2004, 'LilDude began a program that replicated movements from the developmental sequence that children go through in infancy. When 'LilDude's tummy crawl was first assessed, his right leg was completely useless and immobile. Several parents whose children are just starting the program asked us to post a video of what our son's tummy crawl looks like now. As you can see, things have changed!

For more information on young children and adoption issues, visit: A4everFamily.org

To join a discussion on neurological interventions, visit: NEUROnetwork

[Please note that the intent of this video is NOT to show you how to make your child crawl. A child should not be taught how to crawl. Brain wiring occurs through the sequence of movements that develop as a child experiences the movement inherent with naturally learning how to crawl. It took us 2 1/2 years of tummy crawling--and a lot of other movements--to get to the point where 'LilDude could do this naturally.]

P.S. Someone asked me if 'LilDude is actually going this fast or whether the video is speeded up. Believe it or not, it's in actual time. We don't tell him to go that fast, he just does.