China Foster Family Skype #2

Wow.

We just spent the last 45 minutes Skyping with GG's foster family. Big change from last time. In the last week or two I'd say, "Do you want to talk to Auntie on the computer sometime?" He'd nod and grunt in reply. This, in stark contrast to vigorous shaking of the head "NO!" when we asked initially.

So I asked again today. He did the whole grunt/head nod thing. So we tried it.

This time we had a translator. I am immensely grateful for the help of a very bright 13-year-old girl who lives two minutes away and is fluent in Mandarin and English. (If you want to do this with your child's Chinese FF, it's worth looking close by. Before I started looking, I had no idea that such talents were less than a mile away.)

Tonight, GG's Auntie, Foster Mom (Granny) and niece (age 4 and his live-in playmate) were on the other end. Unfortunately (I thought at first), the video of us worked but the video of them didn't. So they could hear/see us but we could only hear them. At first, GG was very serious. Didn't say anything. Just listened to them talk. But when his niece started talking and laughing, it broke the ice. He became very animated for parts of the conversation, even doing his "monkey face" for them. When we heard that they were eating goodies on their end, GG got a lollypop and offered it to the camera several times and got a "thank you" from China for his efforts. He never said more to them than "ni hao," but he was relaxed, smiling, sometimes laughing, and definitely enjoying himself as he listened to them.

Toward the end of the session, their video worked. He could then see everyone (though not well, as it was pretty slow/blurry), plus the new foster baby who had arrived the day before we visited in China. As soon as he saw them, he was done. He clearly indicated that he was ready to leave the computer. They were gracious and asked if he was tired. I said he was tired of the computer. They quickly brought Grandpa in to say hi as well. GG said goodbye to everyone and ran out to ride tricycle.

After the session, he played outside, happy and carefree. He was concerned about me coming back (I took the translator home), but as soon as he saw me, he gave me a big grin and went back to tricycling.

I'm so, so thrilled that this is working. Hopefully, this is only the beginning of a relationship that we can continue, longterm. No one else can tell him about his first three years like these folks can. Even tonight, they were telling me little bits about him. He loves to drink milk. He learned Cantonese first, as a baby; then they gradually began to add in Mandarin. So he knows more Cantonese than Mandarin. (I hope that regular contact with them will help him keep the language.) They keep a candy jar in the living room and he'd always hurry to finish his meals so he could have some candy. Each day he'd want to go outside right after breakfast so they could drive him around in his car (presumably a push car toy.) I mentioned that he loves to pick out his clothes; they said that he would want to wear his favorite clothes again and again.

Odds and ends of info? Sure. But all a part of who he is...who he was before his life began here. And they love him so, so much. It was obvious that they just wanted to look at him, watch him, see that he was happy and healthy and loved.

What a gift for all of us!

Who could have ever guessed we'd be so lucky?

P.S. At some point in the conversation, GG's Foster Mom said, "Listen to your mother." It was just a random comment. But what a powerful thing...for him to hear that from the person who raised him from infancy. Incredible.

Quiet Down Cobwebs

When my 93-year-old Nana died, I received this picture that she'd made. I'm moving it from my bedroom to my living room. I need the reminder. My house is seriously trashed, but I need to keep my priorities straight.

Thanks to the person on the Holt forum who posted the rest of the poem. I didn't know there was more...

Babies Don't Keep
by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I’ve grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,
Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo

The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo
Look! Aren’t his eyes the most wonderful hue?
Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.

Momma's Arm

This is how my son falls asleep each night.

You'll notice that his attachment to Dora is not as strong as his attachment to my arm.

Yes, that is my arm he is "snuggling."

He's been home one month. He needs my arm to peacefully fall asleep each night.

I've thought a lot about this. I have a lot of time to think as I lay there with him each night, waiting for him to fall asleep. Usually about 45 minutes.

I could wean him off my arm.

I could force him to fall asleep without me. (In case you're wondering, this does result in crying...not manipulative crying, but "I'm extremely sad" crying.)

But why?

Well, I miss having that 45 minutes to myself.

I miss hanging out with whomever is still awake. (Usually dh.)

I miss not being (literally) tied to the bed at 8p.m.

So why do I do it?

In the scheme of things, this is just an eye blink in the course of my life. And while it's a slight inconvenience to me, the need/payoff for him is huge. Like my social worker said, "There are worse things!"

I'm grateful. It's ME who makes him feel safe enough to fall asleep. It's ME that he's turning to...instead of Dora.

What more could a mom ask for?

(If it's still happening in 6 months, I'll let ya know. :)

P.S. This totally reminds me of a book, Ida's Doll. It's the sweet story of two sisters who cannot afford a doll. The big sister allows her arm to be used as a doll; the little sister cradles the older sister's arm...even as it cramps and becomes uncomfortable in sleep, the older sister continues to allow the younger to hold it. I definitely know what it feels like to fall asleep with my arm cramping in a very awkward position.

One Month Home...

...and we may have reached a new milestone!


"GuangGuang, you are going to take a nap. Mommy is going to clean the kitchen."

Then we prayed. (He ritualistically puts his hands together to pray at each meal and before every sleeping time. It's been fascinating to watch, as this has really been his idea.) "Dear God. Help GuangGuang to have a good nap. Help Mommy to clean the kitchen." And then he says, "A...MEN," grins, and sticks his thumb in his mouth.

He's asleep and the kitchen is *almost* clean. Amen.

Zucchini Tomato Yum

Picked the first zucchini of the season today. And made my favorite zucchini recipe. "Recipe?" Not really. But it's what my dad always did with new zucchini when I was growing up. I loved it as a kid and still love it today. It's easy. And YUM.



You need:

sliced zucchini
can of tomato sauce
your choice of cooking oil

Lightly saute the zucchini in a bit of olive oil. If you like, add some chopped, fresh basil. After sauteing, add tomato sauce to taste and heat. Parmesan cheese, optional.

Sausage and Greens Soup

You know it's a winner when EVERYBODY asks for seconds! (Except GG...but he ate "firsts"...which was a first for anything GREEN...so it counts!)

Tonight I tried "Sausage and Greens Soup" from the "Spring" section (pp. 38) of Simply in Season. I doubled the recipe. It was a hit. The only request was for more "bulk" next time with the suggestion that I add more potatoes. That's easy enough. :)


Sausage and Greens Soup (serves 4)

1/2 lb. bulk sausage
Brown in a soup pot and drain all but a spoonful of fat. Remove meat.

1 c. onion, green onions, or chives, chopped
Saute in reserved fat until soft. Return sausage to soup pot.

4 c. chicken or veg broth
1 c. potatoes, diced
salt/pepper to taste
Add, bring to boil, reduce heat, and simmer until potatoes are soft, 10-15 mins.

1 1/2 c. evaporated milk**
1-3 c. fresh, tender greens (I used spinach), chopped
Add and cook until tender (really brief for spinach). Garnish with grated Parmesan.


**This is where I thought I'd get in trouble. I used all kinds of milk odds and ends. A little rice milk, a little leftover (freezer) goat milk, a little leftover (freezer) evaporated milk, a little 2%. I could taste the strange combination of milks, but apparently no one else could. [Grin.]

Kids Cook! #2 (Green Beans/Pasta, Strawberry Yum)-Anakin

My meal included Green Beans and Sausage and for dessert I made a dressing for the strawberries that I cut. Everyone enjoyed the meal and it was a great success.

We made the strawberry dressing by mixing together:
1 cup sour cream
a heaping 1/4 cup of brown sugar
a dash of vanilla
~Anakin