Book: Undress Me in the Temple of Heaven

Undress Me in the Temple of Heaven, a memoir by Susan Jane Gilman, tells the story of her trip to China in 1986, upon graduating from college. At that point, China had only recently opened to Western tourists and there were many places within the country that foreigners were not allowed to travel. This didn't stop the author and her friend who plan the trip upon seeing a placemat--world map of pancakes--over breakfast at IHOP. "Naive" doesn't even begin to describe them. While I don't want to give too much away, there is also another huge piece to the story, involving the well-being of one of the women. Let's just say I stayed up til 11:30pm last night because I couldn't wait to find out the conclusion. I would even consider reading it again.

Disclaimer: This book may be so appealing to me because I recently visited almost all of the locations mentioned. (I was not, however, undressed in the Temple of Heaven...but neither was the author!)

If you are traveling (or have traveled) to China, you'll be interested to know that the women visit Beijing (and the tourist sites there, including the Great Wall at Badaling), Guangzhou, Guangxi Province (Guilin & more), and Hong Kong. The places they visit are described in great, fascinating, detail.

Kids & Clothes Budgets

I recently posted the following on Facebook:

Question for parents of teen girls... What is a reasonable amount to budget for clothes shopping for one year?

Within a few hours, I'd received over 50 comments, by far the most I've ever received about anything. Apparently, teen girl clothes budgeting ranks highly on many radars.

I've been thinking about clothes budgets but also kids and jobs/allowance/family work responsibilities, etc. We've never been shy about assigning our kids "family jobs." This fall when my teen daughter took child development, she had to list both her parents' jobs and her jobs at home. The list she created (for both) was far longer than the lists of any other kids in the class. I'm not sure if she felt superior...or tortured.

Over the years I've created many different ways to assign household jobs. They've worked. But over time, we outgrow them and move onto something else. Lately, I've found it rather frustrating to assign jobs to my big kids because they are so rarely home. Mid-day (while they're at school) I'll discover the unfinished job and do it myself, knowing that it's more hassle to remind them when they get home (and it's dark!) than it is to just to it myself.

A month or so ago, I took back the "big jobs." Housecleaning became mine. If anyone would like to do a job instead of me, I pay well (more than minimum wage), but if no one offers, I do it myself. Meanwhile, they are still expected to do the basics: feed animals, load/unload dishwasher and wash dinner dishes.

Under the heavy influence of my current Love and Logic read, Millionaire Babies or Bankrupt Brats?, I'm reminded of the importance of establishing an allowance for children, the premise being that children can make little mistakes with little amounts of money to prevent adults making big mistakes with big amounts of money. Practice with money while you're young!

The topic of clothes shopping has come up a lot lately. I started asking myself, "What is a reasonable amount of $ to contribute to a teen's clothes budget? What if the teen has plenty of opportunity to help out around the house and make good wages, yet chooses not to? Should one affect the other?"

Then I asked the budget question on Facebook. While amounts varied, quite a few people mentioned $500-$1000 per year. I clarified that I meant BASIC. Not coats or swimsuits or perhaps even underwear...but rather the "back to school" and summer clothes stock of jeans, shirts, sweaters, shorts, etc. While there were some highs and lows, most numbers still came out around $500 or higher.

I asked my daughter to sit down and make a list of "basics" with a price tag attached to each so we could start a budget discussion. She first listed 10 shirts at $15 each, crossed out the 10, and then wrote 8 shirts at $15 each. I asked her to figure out how much money it would take to give each member of our family (7 people) 8 shirts at $15 each. She figured it out. Her eyes got very big. We went over the list together. We also talked about parental contributions to school lunches; we've always allowed our kids to eat one meal at school per week, otherwise they make their own lunch (we do have food available!) or they can choose to pay the difference.

I don't know that it's beneficial to post the amount that we actually came up with, but I will say that it's likely lower than what most teens around here are used to receiving. This "teen allowance" is designed to cover basic clothing, a few school lunches and minimal "entertainment." She can use the money any way she chooses, but we will not be paying for basic clothes or school lunches. Ample, AMPLE opportunities exist to add to her budget. (I'd love it if she wants to help me out!) But they are not mandatory.

Our middle school son's "allowance" is substantially smaller since he's not yet interested in managing a clothes budget. He does, however, get to decide on how often he eats school lunches and how much to spend on entertainment. The money is his; he chooses how to spend it.

For the first several months on this new system, I'm asking the kids to keep track of their spending so we're all aware of the budget strengths and weaknesses. I hope this gives us all a chance to try out our wings--the kids with money management and mine with letting go of parental control. ;)

So how do you handle kids, clothes budgets, allowance and household jobs?

Jodi Picoult books

Lizzi recently hooked me on books by author Jodi Picoult. I've read Keeping Faith and My Sister's Keeper. Anyone else hooked???

Book: Lucky Girl

Mei-Ling Hopgood's memoir, Lucky Girl, fascinated me. Born to a Taiwanese family already filled with girls, she is subsequently adopted by an American family and raised with two brothers (who, incidentally, are adopted from Korea.) As an adult she meets her Taiwanese family and begins the long, complicated process of learning to know them. One of the first difficult news items? Her birth parents adopted a boy even as they relinquished two of their birth daughters for adoption. In numerous visits, she learns to know her birth sisters...as well as the many "skeletons in the closet" that are a part of the family she left in infancy. Highly recommended reading.

Book: The Duggars: 20 and Counting!

Although we don't have cable television, one would have to be completely media free to miss the hoopla over the Duggar family who, I believe, currently have 18 biological children. With a paltry five children, I was very interested to read the book to find out how they organize their lives.

Want to know what shocked me?

Their eatin'!

My preconceived notion was something in line with "The Waltons." I figured they'd can, make everything homemade, etc. Instead, I was a bit flabbergasted by the favorite recipes they included with the book. It's all cans of chili, fritos, cans of cream-of-this-n-that soup, tatertots, cans of evaporated milk, sticks of butter, frozen hash browns, boxed mac-n-cheese, etc. With all the talk in the book of their "frugal lifestyle," the ingredient lists of processed food after food astounded me. At first I felt sorry for the older girls who had taken over the family cooking. But after reading it, I realized that no one is cooking! They just dump cans, boxes, and bags into pans and call it good.

Apparently, "The Duggars spend about $3,000 each month on groceries, diapers, and miscellaneous items such as shampoo and detergent." With all those kids, one would think it's time to start a garden??? Or wash dishes??? (They use paper plates for meals!!!!)

Anybody else read this?

Book Review: Banner in the Sky

Rudi Matt, a 16-year-old dishwasher, wishes to climb mountains like his father who died trying to conquer the greatest and most terrible mountain in Switzerland, The Citadel. But his mother and his uncle will not let him. Now Rudi along with Captain John Winter, whom he saved from almost certain death, must try to climb past the “fortress” where his father met his end. Then they must climb on and on beyond the shoulder and then to the top of the immense and powerful mountain.

I really liked Banner in the Sky because of the way the author described each character’s feelings. For instance, he showed how Rudi was longing to climb the mountain that his father couldn’t. One of my favorite things about this book was the fact that there was never too little action. I also liked how the author build up to the climax very well but didn’t overdo it. One example is when Rudi gets stuck on the mountain overnight in the freezing cold. He was terrified of the ghost stories he’d heard and the author turned this into a very frightening and suspenseful venture. I would recommend Banner in the Sky to anyone who likes a good adventure.

--by Anakin

Book: There is No Me Without You

I highly, highly recommend There is No Me Without You, a true story of one woman's attempt to make a difference in the lives of Ethiopian orphans, most of whom have been orphaned due to the AIDS crisis.

Imagine a world in which there are no adults left...

Books: The Story of Edgar Sawtelle & Twilight

Okay, I confess. I've had a little bit of time. And I've been reading instead of writing. (Hence the lack of recent posts.) I read two best-sellers, The Story of Edgar Sawtelle and Twilight.

Since The Story of Edgar Sawtelle is a newer Oprah book club selection, I waited several months to get it on hold from the library (all the while hearing a lot of hype about it) and only had two weeks to read the 576 pages. So, although it seemed rather slow in places, I kept plodding along, hoping it would get better.

It definitely got better--turned into a mystery, really--which kept me reading. But I also kept reading because I wanted justice for the characters. Without being a total spoiler, let me just say that I was EXTREMELY disappointed by the ending and felt like I'd wasted a lot of time getting to the end. I really should have known... What Oprah book club selection ever ends on a positive note???? None that I've read. Basically, if I want to feel depressed, it's always good to find an Oprah selection. Definitely her genre of choice. Not mine. This Amazon review and the comments that follow sum it up very nicely.

Although vampire books aren't my genre of choice either, I decided to read Twilight to see what Lizzi and her friends are so excited about. I did enjoy reading it. The author writes well, maintains a good balance between action and description, and is extremely good at dialogue and describing the emotions involved in falling in love. But the book also disturbs me. I know it's just a book. I know it's about vampires (hence it's fantastical fiction.) But I find it unnerving that a girl could fall so deeply in love with a guy--mostly based on his looks/aura--that she is willing to give up everything (life!!!) to be with him. The thought really turns my stomach. Yeah, it's romantic. But it's also freaky.

So, anyone else want to share their thoughts on either book? Or have better suggestions for me? ;)

Day 28, Book: A Simple Christmas (93...Free!)

Since More With Less is one of my favorite cookbooks, I picked up A Simple Christmas (by the same publisher) after reading the description, "Hundreds of ways to bring Christ and joy back into Christmas in the spirit of More-with-Less." If you're looking for some ideas, there are several used copies on Amazon for less than $1.

Off to read... ;)

Mother Warriors

I just finished Jenny McCarthy's book, Mother Warriors. In the book she describes several parent's journeys to get help for their children with autism. Time and again she and the other parents in the book are told by professionals that things like dietary changes are worthless, even "dangerous." They are told that autism is a permanent condition and that alternative therapies are a waste of time.

McCarthy goes on to describe how these parents ignored the professionals and did everything they could to heal their children. McCarthy writes,

A Mother Warrior Is...

A mother who hears there is no hope for her child and, instead of retreating and mourning, breaks down walls, weaves her way through obstacles, follows her intuition even when people tell her she is crazy. She is a mother who believes in hope. A mother who believes in miracles and is able to carry on with strength and determination, even when her partner doubts her and offers no support. A mother who never gives up when she keeps hitting dead ends. These are the women who will continue to open the door so future generations of kids don't have to suffer. These are the mothers with hearts of gold and shields made of the strongest armor.

I know in my heart that someday this era will be marked as an era when a group of parents fought the giants to help save their babies and future generations. Margaret Mead, the late great sociologist, once said, "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has."

I haven't been closely involved with the autism movement, but I know many, many mother warriors through the adoption community; mothers who are working to heal their children from debilitating attachment/trauma issues that are so often inherent with adoption.

I encourage you to read this book and look around you...chances are you are also surrounded by warrior parents...who each and every day are fighting for the physical and/or emotional health and well being of their children. If you know one...or two, or ten, or hundreds, ...take a moment to tell them just how wonderful you think they are!

YOU ARE WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This book reminds me so much of the journey that we've been on.... My son's conditions have never been physically life-threatening, but they did consume almost every moment of every day for several years. We, too, were told that this was not curable, that we were wasting our money. I'm here to say that the professionals were wrong.

Carry on, parent warriors everywhere!!!!

Excellent books!!!!

Much of our vacation consisted of traveling...many, many, many miles. I read several books during the trip and highly recommend two of them...

Escape is the fascinating true story of one woman's experience in a polygamist family. It just boggles the mind.

But a must, must read for everyone is Last Child in the Woods; Saving Our Children From Nature-Deficit Disorder. I want to comment more on it later, but my copy is currently overdue at the library, so it may have to wait... ;)

Shattered Dreams: My Life as a Polygamist's Wife

No, I'm not a polygamist's wife and I don't have shattered dreams. But I just read a book by that title and highly recommend it. I finished it in three days because I couldn't put it down.

With all the current news about the polygamist sect in Texas, it was fascinating to read one woman's account of what the lifestyle is like from the inside. 1 man + 10 wives + 56 children = abject poverty, constant moving, a life of instability and unhappiness. Without question, the women are miserable. And given the circumstances, I can't imagine that the man's life would have been much better. He is rarely home, forced to travel to find work. Yet sacrifices are made again and again with the idea of earning spots in Heaven. Despite living hell on earth.

Fascinating read.

Kids and Food “Deception”

Some days, I think I fit better in “The Waltons” generation. Remember how the family would sit together at every meal? Platters and serving dishes lined the middle of the table. Prayers were said. And everyone ate. Momma never once jumped up to get a special plate for JimBob because he didn’t like broccoli. You never saw Grandma trying to sneak a tablespoon of cauliflower into Elizabeth’s eggs for fear that she wouldn’t eat vegetables any other way. No mid-afternoon run to the big yellow arches because chicken nuggets were the only thing MaryEllen would tolerate. And lo and behold…none of the children starved! They ate what was served. No one even provided chips, crackers or pudding snack cups to hold them over until the next meal.

Last week I picked up Jessica Seinfeld’s cookbook, Deceptively Delicious, from the library. The book provides instructions on how to puree vegetables so that they can be incorporated ("hidden"!!!!) in recipes that kids will eat. The concept confused me on a number of levels. First, many—if not most—of the recipes end up providing a tablespoon of vegetables or less per serving. I’m currently looking at the “French Toast” recipe that calls for 2 tablespoons of puree (there is a list of purees to choose from) in a recipe that serves 4. So we’re talking 1/2 tablespoon per person??? I’m perplexed as to why one would go to so much effort for so little nutritional payoff.

I’m also entirely confused by the use of the word “deception” throughout the book. I find it odd that we live in a culture that promotes hiding good nutritious food in order to get our kids to eat it. I thought the goal was to expose our kids, time and again, to the amazing palate of nutritious goodness that our planet has to offer. I would much rather repeatedly expose my child to “real”—not hidden—vegetables. Eating together as a family, my children learn that the people they love and respect EAT VEGETABLES! It’s WHAT WE DO.

I’ve been slowing working my way through a very different cookbook that our naturopath recommended, The Garden of Eating. Although I don’t plan to go to the extremes (large consumption of vegetables/fruits & meat to the exclusion of most grains) outlined in the book, I do leave it with a challenge. I’d like to widen my cooking repertoire as well as my family’s palate. I want to increase the variety of vegetables we grow and try out some new items at the Farmer’s Market this summer.

And I don’t plan to hide them in anything.

Someone recently asked me how we handle kids and eating at our house. It’s really simple. I usually make dinner and put it on the table. We sit down as a family to eat. Everyone is expected to try everything. If you want seconds of something…or dessert, on the rare occasion that it’s available…then you eat a reasonable portion of everything first. If you choose not to, that’s fine…there’s always breakfast tomorrow. …And I don’t mean that I save dinner for breakfast! I just mean that if anyone chooses not to eat, there is always another meal coming. Interestingly enough, I don’t think anyone has ever chosen to not eat dinner. But more than once I’ve had a child suddenly say, in a shocked way, “This is good! Remember when I didn’t used to like it?” Tastebuds and children do grow and change if given the opportunity.

Eat Local and in Season

This year my kids studied energy use for their LegoRobotics project. They focused on how much fuel and energy (for food storage, etc…) are saved when we buy locally grown food. Although my kids didn't use media, I was thrilled to see that a school class has explored this idea. Their presentation is inspirational!

My kids learned that the nutritional value of local food is usually higher because food is fresher and hasn’t had to be artificially ripened. Financially, buying local produce gives you more “bang for your buck”; on the surface, the price may not look a lot different, but nutritionally, locally grown food is usually superior and better for the environment…and may save a lot of money in the future by reduced pesticide use, less fuel costs, reduced need for energy, etc… An added benefit? The money you pay goes directly to the people who grew your food, eliminating the "middle man" of industry...which is where much of our food dollars go. I especially like buying local because I can talk to my grower. "What chemicals were used? How often? How recently?"

For the Lego project, my kids put together a cold frame using a raised bed in our garden and a couple of old window frames. They grew radishes, spinach, and kale in the dead of winter. The broccoli has just started to develop buds. Yesterday, we ate a delicious kale salad. On Saturday, we planted both lettuce and spinach in the cold frame, anticipating some early spring salads…and all for the cost of a few seeds.

One of my favorite cookbooks, Simply in Season, is one that I turn to extensively for ideas about how to eat foods that are currently in season. During the upcoming months, I’ll try to reference some of our favorite recipes. In Sunday School we did a study of the connection between food and faith through the exploration of eating local, seasonal food. We used the Simply in Season Leader’s Study Guide which is available free here.

It was an inspirational introduction to thoughtful food buying and eating. It would be an excellent study for any small group or book club.