Still Sad...

When one loses one's entire family, it makes sense to still be sad almost 6 months later. But that doesn't make it any easier to watch.

This weekend the guide from GG's province is coming to our home for a visit. I showed GG her photo and a little video clip to remind him of who she is and to explain that she is visiting but he is STAYING HERE. While we looked at her photo, he got the familiar blank, faraway look that I've learned to equate with grief. Then he wiped away invisible tears and asked to see more photos from China. As we looked at the pictures, his eyes gradually became more wet until a few drops ran down his cheeks. He continued to ask to see photos for several more minutes, including the "sad" ones from the day we visited his foster family. When it became too much, he looked away and said he was done. It's the saddest I've seen him in a couple months. I kept telling him that it's okay to cry; that he has good reason to be sad and that crying might help him to feel better. Not sure how much of my message was understood.

Last night (before any mention of the impending visit), he woke up crying. It happened again this evening. Twice.

I wish I could do something to erase his pain. He's three. This isn't fair.