Grief

This grief is deep. I didn't really expect less, but this is hard to watch.

Last night I put GG to bed. He went willingly to our bed, alone, but with the door open and hall lights on. I went across the hall to read to LilDude and put him to bed. When I came out, GG was sitting on the floor of my room, near the door, quietly sobbing. The clock radio had been turned on. At first I didn't know if he was sobbing because he'd turned the radio on and couldn't turn it off or because he was just generally sad. It became apparent it was the latter.

I carried him around and tried to console him. He just cried and cried. Dh tried to help. More crying. We finally put on the Adoptive Parent Chinese Phrases CD and played a bunch of different phrases. "Are you sad?" "Does anything hurt?" Etc. No reaction whatsoever. I gave him a bottle and got occasional eye contact. He was very constipated earlier in the day so I decided that maybe that was a problem. So I gave him a suppository and we sat around to wait. It took a LONG time to work. He played for awhile which seemed to cheer him up. He was sitting on my lap when the suppository suddenly worked WELL (too well!) By this time it was about 10pm (he'd gone to bed the first time around 8), so I tried to put him in bed again. This time I lay with him for 10 minutes or so until he fell asleep. I thought that was it.

I stayed up another hour or so working on the computer. Then Anakin came walking down the hall, carrying a sobbing GG. I don't know how long he was sitting there crying, but he again had woken up and was crying hard (but quietly) in the doorway. This time I went to bed with him. He continued to sob and tried to sit up, away from me. I pulled him into my arms and held him while he sobbed more. When Dh came to bed, he made the mistake of removing Dora (GG's 2.5' doll) from the bed, thinking GG was now fine since the sobs had tapered off. Dora set everything off again. He finally went to sleep with one arm holding me down on the bed.

I had dreams about being pinned down. I woke up thinking GG was halfway laying on me, keeping me from leaving the bed. Although this was true early in the night, when I regained consciousness in the middle of the night I figured out that it was actually Dora pinning me down. Dora got the boot.

GG slept the rest of the night and is still in bed with Dh as we speak. (9am)

Pray for GG's little heart. He is so, so sad.